I was leaving a meeting or gathering with a large group of my co-workers. We went outside to this large recreational area. There was a volleyball court, a large putt-putt course, and an open stage where a band was performing. Between the sports venues and the flat ground and the stage and seating up high on the side of a large hill, there was a maze of pathways, stairs, and landings with tables (where people could sit and eat or chat). It was elaborate and inviting and beautiful with all the green grass, stone, and natural furnishings.
I was waiting at the building entrance for a friend, Victoria B (a former co-worker), I think. She had to go back in for something and was going to be right back. I remember thinking that I was getting impatient waiting for her. A few minutes later, I was asked to move along because a large wedding party was coming out and wanted their pictures taken. I decided to go on out to the stage and hope to see Victoria there eventually. As I was making my way to our crowd of co-workers, Victoria was already there. I wasn't confused as to how she got there before me; I was just happy that she wasn't going to walk out of the building and wonder why I'd left her.
Victoria was all excited about who was going to be live on the open stage. So, we started making our way up the maze of pathways up to the stage. I lost Victoria again as we were climbing...mostly because I kept looking around at all of the people and the beautiful surroundings. But I wasn't all that worried. The music started and everyone began dancing. Not just the basic rocking back and forth from foot to foot thing, but really getting into it, spinning and leaping and moving out whole bodies to the music. It was so liberating.
Eventually, I wanted to get back with my friends, but I couldn't find any of them. I was standing on a high landing and could see most of the people below, but they were all strangers to me. I remember specifically looking for orange, like maybe one of my friends was wearing orange.
The next think I know, I'm naked and getting into one of the personal hot tubs on a landing overlooking the sports. I was going to take advantage of the alone time to totally relax. No one joined me, but there were others around, doing their own forms of relaxation.
After awhile, I decided it was late and I was going to return to my room. After getting dressed and starting down the maze of pathways, I finally ran into one of my friends, Tim B (actually, he's the parent of a kid I taught a couple of years ago, also the older brother of a classmate). We were talking about our 'missed calls'. I had three. One was a hang-up from a number I didn't recognize. One was from a guy I was maybe going to date, wishing me a Happy New Year. (Strangely, I don't have any idea who this was.) And one was from my former division manager, telling me she loves me, thanking me for my hard work, and wishing my a Happy New Year. I remember her message being colorful and sparkly. My friend had a similar message from my former branch manager. We were making fun of them...the messages.
Then I was trying to figure out what time it was, so maybe I could call the date guy back. I looked at three different clocks and got three different times. And they weren't even close; they were HOURS different. Finally, I decided it was too late and I'd call him in the morning.
As I was returning to the hotel, I ran into my co-workers. They were all sitting together in a common area of the hotel, discussing other co-workers. Apparently, we sent a team of three 'south' for work. We just got word that two of them were killed in the line of duty. Bear in mind, our line of work does not normally entail someone being killed in the line of duty. But I don't remember that crossing my mind. I was just trying to wrack my brain trying to remember who we sent 'south'. Then I overheard someone say that John M (a co-worker) was the only survivor and he was due back in town in the next day or two.
The next thing I remember, I'm in a cubicle with Sher G (a co-worker) and Jennifer B (a co-worker) looking at maps. They were large poster board sizes of paper and very colorful. Each one was for a cul-de-sac of six homes, three different styles. In looking at the maps closely, instead of solid colors, each 'color' was actually a pattern. It was very intricate and interesting. Our job was to try to fit the different pages together, matching up the street names, etc. We were not having a whole lot of success at this.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Saturday, Jan 31, 2009
It was like my busiest day in 0554 crossed with an episode of The Runway.
I was at my desk putting presentations together. I don't remember exactly what all I was doing. I just remember having several tasks to do and bouncing back and forth between offices. One of the things I had already completed was putting together a baby basket. I made a baby book and a blanket. I seem to remember that it was ultimately going to Linda W (a friend). I also remember that the items attached to the front of the baby book were starting to come off. It wasn't my best work, but I didn't have time to go back and do it again.
The next thing I know, I'm sewing men's clothing, a pair of pants specifically. The clothes were all a shimmery tan color. We had two pairs of pants, a vest, and two tank dresses with a fancy material along the bust line. (Okay, maybe we weren't just sewing MEN'S clothing.) At this particular point, I was attaching a darker brown strip of material to the pants and asking another member of our team what he thought about it. He said it looked bad and suggested we not go with that 'look'. He was sitting at a table with his feet up, reading a magazine. So, his opinion wasn't all that impressive to me, since he wasn't willing to help with the work.
At one point, the Tim Gunn of the process (only this was a middle-aged woman in a skirt and jacket) was mediating a disagreement where this guy didn't want to work on a pair of pants and I was explaining why he should...because 1) the group agreed on the look and we'd already 'pitched it' to the powers that be, 2) he wasn't doing anything else, and 3) the rest of us were busy. He finally grabbed the pants and stomped out in a huff. The mentor told me that she agreed with me and hoped that we didn't have any more problems with this particular team member. So, I went back to work adding a lining to a vest.
It was then that I remembered that I forgot to make the music CD. I was supposed to do that when I was in the office at my computer, but I completely forgot. The music CD is played while the models are walking down the runway. I couldn't even remember the exact songs or the order of them that we'd agreed to. Ugh, I'd have to go back to my desk and do that eventually. But when would I have time for that?!
I decided to tell another person on my team, John M (a co-worker), about my latest stressor. Apparently, I was looking to vent. So, I went to the room where I thought he was working, only to find the Tim Gunn lady. She told me that John went down to the warehouse to pick something up and she was babysitting for his things until he got back. I decided to get back to work rather than chase John down. Instead, I ran into him in the hallway. He was as stressed as I was about our chances of finishing our work on time. I said, "We have a problem." He said, "You're telling me. We have the James Brown benefit tomorrow night that we've hardly planned for because we're so behind on THIS" as he lifts yet another garment into the air. I'd completely forgotten about the James Brown benefit! But I responded with, "Oh, it gets worse than that." And we moved into a room and shut the door behind us.
Strangely at this point, John had on makeup or marker on his face. Something around his eyes that I can no longer pinpoint. And he had thick lines of red in the smile creases between his nose and mouth. It reminded me of a clown. Nevertheless, I told him that we didn't have a CD for our models to walk with during the runway show. AND I'd have to stop working on the vest in order to go back to my computer to make the CD. I was stressed because I needed specific songs in a specific order for a specific length of time...and I wasn't even sure that I remembered the songs and the CD wasn't even started. But we couldn't have the runway show without it.
I don't really remember anything that happened after that.
I was at my desk putting presentations together. I don't remember exactly what all I was doing. I just remember having several tasks to do and bouncing back and forth between offices. One of the things I had already completed was putting together a baby basket. I made a baby book and a blanket. I seem to remember that it was ultimately going to Linda W (a friend). I also remember that the items attached to the front of the baby book were starting to come off. It wasn't my best work, but I didn't have time to go back and do it again.
The next thing I know, I'm sewing men's clothing, a pair of pants specifically. The clothes were all a shimmery tan color. We had two pairs of pants, a vest, and two tank dresses with a fancy material along the bust line. (Okay, maybe we weren't just sewing MEN'S clothing.) At this particular point, I was attaching a darker brown strip of material to the pants and asking another member of our team what he thought about it. He said it looked bad and suggested we not go with that 'look'. He was sitting at a table with his feet up, reading a magazine. So, his opinion wasn't all that impressive to me, since he wasn't willing to help with the work.
At one point, the Tim Gunn of the process (only this was a middle-aged woman in a skirt and jacket) was mediating a disagreement where this guy didn't want to work on a pair of pants and I was explaining why he should...because 1) the group agreed on the look and we'd already 'pitched it' to the powers that be, 2) he wasn't doing anything else, and 3) the rest of us were busy. He finally grabbed the pants and stomped out in a huff. The mentor told me that she agreed with me and hoped that we didn't have any more problems with this particular team member. So, I went back to work adding a lining to a vest.
It was then that I remembered that I forgot to make the music CD. I was supposed to do that when I was in the office at my computer, but I completely forgot. The music CD is played while the models are walking down the runway. I couldn't even remember the exact songs or the order of them that we'd agreed to. Ugh, I'd have to go back to my desk and do that eventually. But when would I have time for that?!
I decided to tell another person on my team, John M (a co-worker), about my latest stressor. Apparently, I was looking to vent. So, I went to the room where I thought he was working, only to find the Tim Gunn lady. She told me that John went down to the warehouse to pick something up and she was babysitting for his things until he got back. I decided to get back to work rather than chase John down. Instead, I ran into him in the hallway. He was as stressed as I was about our chances of finishing our work on time. I said, "We have a problem." He said, "You're telling me. We have the James Brown benefit tomorrow night that we've hardly planned for because we're so behind on THIS" as he lifts yet another garment into the air. I'd completely forgotten about the James Brown benefit! But I responded with, "Oh, it gets worse than that." And we moved into a room and shut the door behind us.
Strangely at this point, John had on makeup or marker on his face. Something around his eyes that I can no longer pinpoint. And he had thick lines of red in the smile creases between his nose and mouth. It reminded me of a clown. Nevertheless, I told him that we didn't have a CD for our models to walk with during the runway show. AND I'd have to stop working on the vest in order to go back to my computer to make the CD. I was stressed because I needed specific songs in a specific order for a specific length of time...and I wasn't even sure that I remembered the songs and the CD wasn't even started. But we couldn't have the runway show without it.
I don't really remember anything that happened after that.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thursday, Jan 15, 2009
I had a dream about Jeff as a young child, maybe 5 or 6. He had always talked about "getting a patch." Neither his dad nor I knew what that meant. But he talked about it regularly. I figured eventually, he'd have the words in his vocabulary to truly explain what the heck he meant by that.
At one point in my dream, we were in a church. Not my church. Not even sure if it's a church I've ever been in. Instead of pews, there were chairs. And they were set up in a semi-circle around the altar. What seemed like hundreds of them. And the atmosphere was warm and glowing. I was walking around for some reason, delivering something to someone. Services hadn't started yet, so I wasn't being a distraction. When it came time to begin, I couldn't find Jeff. I was trying to look through the rows to find him. Someone pointed to the far end of the room, but before I could get there, the lights went out. Not a power outage, but a planned part of the service. Eventually, the lights came back up and I resumed my path to Jeff. I found him with a family I didn't know. He was all buddy-buddy with a boy about the same age. Except for his messy blond hair, I remember nothing about him.
The next thing I know, we're in a hospital. I believe Jeff was a patient. I have no idea what might have been wrong with him. I just remember that he kept going back to the wrong bed. And he was still mentioning this patch that he wanted to get. I'm not sure where the patient that belonged to that bed was. But eventually, I learned that the patch that Jeff kept asking for helped to safe the life of the boy who belonged in that bed…the boy Jeff was hanging out with at church.
The last thing I remember, we went to a little league football game to meet up with the boy and his mother. She was so thankful for everything Jeff had done for her son. She went on and on about it. I didn't know what to say and was uncomfortable talking to her for some reason. But the boys resumed their playing like they were in the church and nothing dramatic had ever taken place at the hospital.
At one point in my dream, we were in a church. Not my church. Not even sure if it's a church I've ever been in. Instead of pews, there were chairs. And they were set up in a semi-circle around the altar. What seemed like hundreds of them. And the atmosphere was warm and glowing. I was walking around for some reason, delivering something to someone. Services hadn't started yet, so I wasn't being a distraction. When it came time to begin, I couldn't find Jeff. I was trying to look through the rows to find him. Someone pointed to the far end of the room, but before I could get there, the lights went out. Not a power outage, but a planned part of the service. Eventually, the lights came back up and I resumed my path to Jeff. I found him with a family I didn't know. He was all buddy-buddy with a boy about the same age. Except for his messy blond hair, I remember nothing about him.
The next thing I know, we're in a hospital. I believe Jeff was a patient. I have no idea what might have been wrong with him. I just remember that he kept going back to the wrong bed. And he was still mentioning this patch that he wanted to get. I'm not sure where the patient that belonged to that bed was. But eventually, I learned that the patch that Jeff kept asking for helped to safe the life of the boy who belonged in that bed…the boy Jeff was hanging out with at church.
The last thing I remember, we went to a little league football game to meet up with the boy and his mother. She was so thankful for everything Jeff had done for her son. She went on and on about it. I didn't know what to say and was uncomfortable talking to her for some reason. But the boys resumed their playing like they were in the church and nothing dramatic had ever taken place at the hospital.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Thursday, Dec 18, 2008
I was on travel with RW (our old branch manager). For some reason I took J. Not sure why, but he was definitely there. And strangely, I wasn't sharing a room with J; I was sharing a room with RW. Maybe I was just IN RW's room. I'm not sure. But my things were there and I had a key to his room. (I'm not sure what this says about my relationship with J, but I think it just points out that Richard trusted me with just about everything and I felt the need to be there for him at any cost.)
I don't remember the first day of our training, but I know that it was behind us. Today was Day 2. I was in an elevator with RW and we were on our way to our training class. The elevator was moving and I was leaning on a railing. Not a railing that you find on the walls of the elevator; this one was right in front of the doors. We couldn't have gotten out if the doors opened because of this railing. And I was leaning forward against it, like I was looking through the doors. It was then that Richard came up behind me and held me close to him. I could feel his body touching mind from my head to my feet. (I picture him holding onto me like a three-year-old girl holds a very soft teddy bear or a non-swimmer clutching a life raft. I honestly don't know which is more appropriate. But don't think that something more sexually violent didn't cross my mind.) I asked him to let me go, but he didn't. I think he thought I was just being coy. So more forcefully, I told him that I didn't like it and wanted him to let me go right now. He didn't say a word and still didn't let me go. I finally yelled out that he had two seconds to let me go or I was screaming bloody murder. I then counted "One Mississippi, two Mississippi." He didn't let go immediately. So, I screamed out for help. Very loudly. This seemed to make the elevator doors open. The railing had disappeared and I was practically thrown out of the elevator. I don't remember RW pushing me out, but perhaps he did. (I equate this to RW's ability to toss us aside when we're of no use to him.) Thankfully, RW didn't follow me.
Now I was outdoors and naked. I don't remember being naked IN the elevator, but I sure was now. And I don't know why I wasn't in a hallway instead of outside, but I was. (I think this illustrates how absolutely vulnerable I was to the entire situation.) I quickly asked a couple of teenage girls if they had a jacket or something that I could wrap up in. They didn't, but turned to a teenage boy for his jacket. As I was wrapping his jacket around me, I remember staring into his face. Without saying a word, I conveyed a heart-felt thank you, but I also wanted to memorize his face so that I knew who to return the jacket to once I no longer needed it. I didn't recognize any of kids, but I remember thinking that they were so mature and grown-up, not pointing and laughing, but being as helpful as they could. I was touched. (I think this represents my need to have someone there who was 'good', kind to the core.)
The next thing I know, I'm back in the hotel heading up to RW's room so that I can get dressed and pack up my things. I even remember putting on black and silver striped spandex shorts under my pants. (I have no idea why!) Then I went to work…the office. In my dream, I didn't think it was strange that I could be on travel and that close to the office at the same time. I was sitting in 'the girls' cubicle (Wendy and Cheryl, of course). My plan was to vent about the situation. But they were hard at work on something and I didn’t want to interrupt them. Then Kim walked in. She was surprised to see me as I was supposed to be on travel. I quickly told her that I needed to get away from RW as he had accosted me. (That's the word I used in my dream.) Kim said that she'd handle it, but that she was working a hot issue with Wendy and Cheryl and would get to it as soon as she could.
I then was trying to figure out how to get back to my travel location, get my things out of RW's room and into J's room, and not miss my afternoon training session -- all without running into RW. While processing this, I realized that I was no longer in Wendy and Cheryl's cubicle; I was at my parents' house. I even remember thinking that even if I got back to where my training was, I wouldn't have a vehicle to get around in. That's when my mom reminded me that J and I drove out there. So, I'd have a car…but I don't think I know how to get from the hotel to the training class. About that time, a bus pulled up in front of the house. I just 'knew' that my friend Brandi was on the bus and for some reason I just 'knew' that she needed to head in the same direction as my training class, so I could follow her. So, I ran out to the bus to look for her, but the people on the bus told me she wasn't there today. (This is me feeling lost, confused, and overwhelmed.)
As part of a different conversation at my parents', my sister said that she thought that our older brother Alan was getting us little Angel game controllers for Christmas. I confirmed that to be true because I had actually seen them…small, round, fuzzy, and cute. My dad tried to quiet me from spoiling the surprise on Alan's gift. So, I tried to change my story, but it was too late. (I don't have any idea what this is all about…distracted by something shiny, perhaps?)
Eventually, I had to return to my travel location. So, my mom and my little brother agreed to help me get there. The three of us and J (I don't know how/when he got there) were in my mom's convertible with the top down and the windows up. My mom has no such vehicle. After a bit, we chose to take a left on a narrow street. (Wrong turn? Bad choice?) The car didn't fit down that street, so we had to walk. We got to one particular intersection where my mom pointed out that there were no traffic signs or lights. So, our decision to cross would be dangerous. But we did it anyway. Even my mom was running across the street. (Again, going against the norm, bad decision?)
The next thing I remember, I was in my cubicle. (When all else fails, just get back to work!) DW (our new branch manager) walked past and noticed that I was here. He asked me where the heck I'd been, that there was a lot to do and it wasn't getting done in my absence. He was sarcastic and angry, swinging his arms around, eyes bulging out, speaking loudly without yelling, telling me that I was totally dropping the ball. I just remember thinking that I was actually doing work things, just for a different boss…a boss that tried to take advantage of me and hurt me. (This is me feeling like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.)
Then my alarm woke me up so that I could go to work.
I don't remember the first day of our training, but I know that it was behind us. Today was Day 2. I was in an elevator with RW and we were on our way to our training class. The elevator was moving and I was leaning on a railing. Not a railing that you find on the walls of the elevator; this one was right in front of the doors. We couldn't have gotten out if the doors opened because of this railing. And I was leaning forward against it, like I was looking through the doors. It was then that Richard came up behind me and held me close to him. I could feel his body touching mind from my head to my feet. (I picture him holding onto me like a three-year-old girl holds a very soft teddy bear or a non-swimmer clutching a life raft. I honestly don't know which is more appropriate. But don't think that something more sexually violent didn't cross my mind.) I asked him to let me go, but he didn't. I think he thought I was just being coy. So more forcefully, I told him that I didn't like it and wanted him to let me go right now. He didn't say a word and still didn't let me go. I finally yelled out that he had two seconds to let me go or I was screaming bloody murder. I then counted "One Mississippi, two Mississippi." He didn't let go immediately. So, I screamed out for help. Very loudly. This seemed to make the elevator doors open. The railing had disappeared and I was practically thrown out of the elevator. I don't remember RW pushing me out, but perhaps he did. (I equate this to RW's ability to toss us aside when we're of no use to him.) Thankfully, RW didn't follow me.
Now I was outdoors and naked. I don't remember being naked IN the elevator, but I sure was now. And I don't know why I wasn't in a hallway instead of outside, but I was. (I think this illustrates how absolutely vulnerable I was to the entire situation.) I quickly asked a couple of teenage girls if they had a jacket or something that I could wrap up in. They didn't, but turned to a teenage boy for his jacket. As I was wrapping his jacket around me, I remember staring into his face. Without saying a word, I conveyed a heart-felt thank you, but I also wanted to memorize his face so that I knew who to return the jacket to once I no longer needed it. I didn't recognize any of kids, but I remember thinking that they were so mature and grown-up, not pointing and laughing, but being as helpful as they could. I was touched. (I think this represents my need to have someone there who was 'good', kind to the core.)
The next thing I know, I'm back in the hotel heading up to RW's room so that I can get dressed and pack up my things. I even remember putting on black and silver striped spandex shorts under my pants. (I have no idea why!) Then I went to work…the office. In my dream, I didn't think it was strange that I could be on travel and that close to the office at the same time. I was sitting in 'the girls' cubicle (Wendy and Cheryl, of course). My plan was to vent about the situation. But they were hard at work on something and I didn’t want to interrupt them. Then Kim walked in. She was surprised to see me as I was supposed to be on travel. I quickly told her that I needed to get away from RW as he had accosted me. (That's the word I used in my dream.) Kim said that she'd handle it, but that she was working a hot issue with Wendy and Cheryl and would get to it as soon as she could.
I then was trying to figure out how to get back to my travel location, get my things out of RW's room and into J's room, and not miss my afternoon training session -- all without running into RW. While processing this, I realized that I was no longer in Wendy and Cheryl's cubicle; I was at my parents' house. I even remember thinking that even if I got back to where my training was, I wouldn't have a vehicle to get around in. That's when my mom reminded me that J and I drove out there. So, I'd have a car…but I don't think I know how to get from the hotel to the training class. About that time, a bus pulled up in front of the house. I just 'knew' that my friend Brandi was on the bus and for some reason I just 'knew' that she needed to head in the same direction as my training class, so I could follow her. So, I ran out to the bus to look for her, but the people on the bus told me she wasn't there today. (This is me feeling lost, confused, and overwhelmed.)
As part of a different conversation at my parents', my sister said that she thought that our older brother Alan was getting us little Angel game controllers for Christmas. I confirmed that to be true because I had actually seen them…small, round, fuzzy, and cute. My dad tried to quiet me from spoiling the surprise on Alan's gift. So, I tried to change my story, but it was too late. (I don't have any idea what this is all about…distracted by something shiny, perhaps?)
Eventually, I had to return to my travel location. So, my mom and my little brother agreed to help me get there. The three of us and J (I don't know how/when he got there) were in my mom's convertible with the top down and the windows up. My mom has no such vehicle. After a bit, we chose to take a left on a narrow street. (Wrong turn? Bad choice?) The car didn't fit down that street, so we had to walk. We got to one particular intersection where my mom pointed out that there were no traffic signs or lights. So, our decision to cross would be dangerous. But we did it anyway. Even my mom was running across the street. (Again, going against the norm, bad decision?)
The next thing I remember, I was in my cubicle. (When all else fails, just get back to work!) DW (our new branch manager) walked past and noticed that I was here. He asked me where the heck I'd been, that there was a lot to do and it wasn't getting done in my absence. He was sarcastic and angry, swinging his arms around, eyes bulging out, speaking loudly without yelling, telling me that I was totally dropping the ball. I just remember thinking that I was actually doing work things, just for a different boss…a boss that tried to take advantage of me and hurt me. (This is me feeling like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.)
Then my alarm woke me up so that I could go to work.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Wednesday, Dec 17, 2008
I was driving J to school. We were in a car that was the same color as my car, but not the same make and model. It was much sportier, a Camaro maybe. I just remember that I kept noticing the hood as I was driving. At one point, I was sitting at a stoplight, waiting to turn left. Jeff wanted to go over to the Burger King to get something to drink. So, while I was sitting there, he walked right over there, across traffic and into the restaurant. I kept thinking that the light was going to turn green before he got back. THEN what was I going to do.
Needless to say, the light turned green and J was still in the restaurant getting something to drink. I knew that if I turned left, I'd be going further away from him. So, I waited as long as I could, then I drove straight through the light, breaking a law to avoid upsetting J. Once I was through the intersection, I stopped…right there in the middle of the road…waiting on J. I knew I was not in a place I was supposed to be. But I figured there would be more chance that he'd see me there than if I kept driving. I just kept pleading for him to hurry up so that I could get out of the middle of the road.
Finally, he showed up in the parking lot. But he had to wait on traffic to get to my car. It seemed to take forever and I was getting very frustrated. I'm sure he wanted me to swing by and pick him up, but there was no graceful way to accomplish that. So, I waited…in the middle of the road. He eventually got in my car. The first thing I noticed was that he had the biggest possible cup of coke. Excess. J is all about excess.
My next goal was to try to get back to the school. This is where I started to lose it. I was over-reacting to everything, expecting the worst to come from every decision that I made. I just wanted it all to be over. Finally, I got to the correct road. But instead of slowly following the car in front of me, I started to come up on it, along it's driver's side. I shouldn't have. I knew I was doing something wrong. J knew I was doing something wrong. He even asked me why I was doing it. All I said was that I was trying to get AWAY from the other car. But I assure you, that's not at all how it looked…or felt.
Ultimately, I veered left across incoming traffic and into the grass, swerved around a couple of trees, just to get to the school parking lot. Because of a creek, I couldn't do that. J was so embarrassed that he got out of the car and walked the rest of the way. I then turned around and made my way back to the road. I fully expected to be pulled over and was already developing 'my story' in my head. But I wasn't pulled over at all. Instead, I was emotionally falling apart because of the whole situation.
That's all I remember.
Needless to say, the light turned green and J was still in the restaurant getting something to drink. I knew that if I turned left, I'd be going further away from him. So, I waited as long as I could, then I drove straight through the light, breaking a law to avoid upsetting J. Once I was through the intersection, I stopped…right there in the middle of the road…waiting on J. I knew I was not in a place I was supposed to be. But I figured there would be more chance that he'd see me there than if I kept driving. I just kept pleading for him to hurry up so that I could get out of the middle of the road.
Finally, he showed up in the parking lot. But he had to wait on traffic to get to my car. It seemed to take forever and I was getting very frustrated. I'm sure he wanted me to swing by and pick him up, but there was no graceful way to accomplish that. So, I waited…in the middle of the road. He eventually got in my car. The first thing I noticed was that he had the biggest possible cup of coke. Excess. J is all about excess.
My next goal was to try to get back to the school. This is where I started to lose it. I was over-reacting to everything, expecting the worst to come from every decision that I made. I just wanted it all to be over. Finally, I got to the correct road. But instead of slowly following the car in front of me, I started to come up on it, along it's driver's side. I shouldn't have. I knew I was doing something wrong. J knew I was doing something wrong. He even asked me why I was doing it. All I said was that I was trying to get AWAY from the other car. But I assure you, that's not at all how it looked…or felt.
Ultimately, I veered left across incoming traffic and into the grass, swerved around a couple of trees, just to get to the school parking lot. Because of a creek, I couldn't do that. J was so embarrassed that he got out of the car and walked the rest of the way. I then turned around and made my way back to the road. I fully expected to be pulled over and was already developing 'my story' in my head. But I wasn't pulled over at all. Instead, I was emotionally falling apart because of the whole situation.
That's all I remember.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Friday, Oct 3, 2008
At one point in my dream, I was in a car with Curt K. (a co-worker). I can't remember all of the details, but I think I went to pick him up because it was raining. So, I would have been driving. But I distinctly remember running around the car as if we were trading seats. I also remember that I wasn't wearing any pants, though that didn't seem strange at the time.
We drive by these three buildings. There were all on the same property, owned by the same company, and looked very much alike structurally. They could have been apartment buildings or office buildings; I could tell from the outside. But I took note that they'd been recently redecorated on the outside. The main entrances were on the short side of the building, opening to a long hallway the length of the building, with doors down each side of the hall. The new decorations consisted of a colorful, three-dimensional (like a pop-up book) flourish of color going from the ground and ending about ten feet above the roof of the building. It was the shape of billowing clouds. And they were different colors on each of the buildings.
In another part of my dream, I was getting yelled at by my bosses, four of them: David (my branch manager), Angie (my division manager), a guy that I recognize from television), and another person that I can no longer remember. They were yelling at me for ordering a $500 fishing pole. I kept saying that, as a contractor, I really only do what I'm told, that I don't question a government employee's purchase request. If they tell me to put in the paperwork to order it, I do it. I went as far as to ask them that if one of them would appreciate it if I would question or second-guess something they asked me to purchase. But instead of answering my question, they pointed out again that it was a $500 fishing pole, meaning that it was obvious that I should know better.
At one point, the TV guy pointed to the order form and spoke quietly to Angie that this is exactly the same way that Richard (my old branch manager) got these kinds of orders through. He was talking about the type of contract, not the fact that I did the paperwork.
Oh, I should mention, the order was given to me by Dan (a friend, not a co-worker that I would normally order things for). He's not a government employee either, though I'm thinking he was in my dream.
Ultimately, I got to leave the interrogation because I had another meeting. This one was in a large conference room with chairs lining the walls. I was not very happy after my recent butt chewing, so I was pretty much sulking in the back of the room. I asked someone where my 'stuff' was. They pointed to a small pile of things along the opposite wall. I went over and gathered my things (a Blackberry, a notebook, my phone, etc.) and returned to my chair. I proceeded to check my email and such. Mostly, I was distracting myself from thinking about the run-in with my bosses. I decided to send a message to my friend Dan that we had to talk. I wanted to warn him that he could be hearing about it from management about purchasing a $500 fishing pole through government resources. But I also wanted to give him a hard time for making ME order it for him.
Before I forget, I even remember my Blackberry screen. It was black with a jagged silver lightning bolt going down the screen, from one corner to the opposite corner. When I went to the option to send a message, there was the same black screen, this time with a pound sign at the top in that same jagged, silver font.
As I was typing up a message to Dan, a young girl who had no business being in our meeting, said to me that she was sorry that my friend died. I knew she was talking about Dan, but I didn't really believe her. I went ahead and sent the message to Dan and hoped to hear back from him right away.
JUST SO YOU KNOW:
I've never been in a car with Curt K. I don't think I've ever seen the remodeled buildings in real life. I don't know the significance of the boss that looks familiar to me from television. But I think it's interesting that I've forgotten the identity of yet another person in my dream…that's becoming a recurring thing for me. (I'm with three people, only two of whom I can remember specifically, etc.)
As for the purchasing thing… My previous branch manager had me do all of the paperwork for all of his purchases. I don't know the purchasing world and had a bit of heartburn with this. I was specifically worried about ordering something that didn't meet his specs simply because I didn't know what I was doing. But everything I did was signed off by a government employee, so it's not like I could do too much damage.
I checked, Dan is fine.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sunday, Sept 21, 2008
I was cat-sitting three cats. One of them was named Secret; I don't remember the names of the other two. At one point, I was inside the house with one of the cats while this guy (someone I knew in my dream but can't remember now) was outside the sliding glass door with the other two. He wanted the cat that I had, so we were going to trade. But ultimately, the cat with me didn't want to go outside. So, I had two cats and he had Secret.
Later, I was at work. Peg S. was there, as were many others who I couldn't name now. I was making two large pots of soup. One was chili. I think the other was something with noodles. I was adding final ingredients and stirring. Then I returned to our main work area. That's where I saw Peg. She needed a 'flame' to heat one of the pots of soup. Strangely, the flame that was there looked like it was shooting out a laser beam. We knew that was too dangerous, but we found it very intriguing. The longer is was lit, the more intricate the beam became. It started out as a straight line, kind of jagged with pulsating energy. It was yellow, I think, reaching out until it touched something. Eventually, it was several colors and appeared to be a structure with many lines. Finally we stopped playing with it and got a working (safely) flame.
The next thing I remember, I was traveling with Roger W. (my elementary school art teacher that I see occasionally at religious retreats). By the time we were dismissed and allowed to travel home, it was going to take us until 4am the next day to get there. Ugh! I was NOT looking forward to the long drive.
At one point in the drive, we hit a quaint, well-manicured town. We stopped to rest. While there, we were inside a HUGE building, like a mall. Everyone traveled by way of skate board. I had a difficult time getting my skateboard up on the walk way and a young gentleman helped me.
We were at the point where we were going into this one room in order to eat breakfast. There was a young Amish mother trying to coax her little boy out of the pathway, but he wouldn't budge. I know she was trying to teach him, but I remember thinking that I'd pick him up and move him instead of holding up all these people.
Eventually Roger and I were making sure we had each other's cell phone numbers just in case we got separated on the road. Then another lady came into the room and made sure Roger's number was on my cell phone…but she thought it was HER phone. We tried to convince her otherwise, but she couldn't be convinced. She even referred to it as her Mickey Mouse phone. Lucky for me, she didn't take it with her. She sat it back on the counter and walked away. I quickly picked it up and put it in my pocket, saying, "Does this LOOK like a Mickey Mouse phone?"
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